Shame vs. Freedom

“It is a joy to be hidden, and disaster not to be found.” – Donald Winnicott

I believe that most people are, or at best have, wrestling with deeply rooted experiences of shame.  I also believe that too few people experience healing from these issues of shame because shame, by nature, is an isolating emotion.  It is an emotion that is reactive to an experience and calls the individual into a place of hiding, where they cannot be “found out.”  It is a lonely feeling, a helpless feeling, and also a protective feeling.  When shame calls us into hiding we do not have to bear the reaction of another seeing us as we are.  This is, as Winnicott says, the joy of being hidden.

But at what cost?  This is a vital question to anyone who is wrestling with shame.  What is the cost of your isolation?  Is the safety you gain from your pain being hidden worth the cost of never truly being known?  Never truly knowing another?  I believe there is an alternative to shame and that is freedom, that is living into Aphesis.  The journey from shame into freedom, however, is difficult, terrifying, and counter-intuitive to the messages shame has spoken into the core of the individual.  But it is possible.  That possibility comes through exploring the core stories in which shame resides with a trusted companion, an "other" that can be an advocate for your beauty during those times in which you are unable to be an advocate for yourself.  

This process brings to mind a metaphor in which shame is literally a house.  If you would like to read about this metaphor, click here.