Shame as a House

For the "Shame as a House" metaphor to work you need a few vital components.  The first is the house itself.  The second, an individual, a man in this case, to reside in the house.  The third, a companion who desires to see the inside of the house.  As I mentioned in the other page, the companion must be a non-judgeing, advocating and kind person who is willing to explore the house with the resident.  This could be a mentor, a therapist, a close confidant.

Imagine a house.  Any house will do, but it must look beautiful on the outside.  The lawns are trimmed and green.  The flowers, color-coordinated and in bloom.  The walkways are clean and swept of dirt and leaves.  A fresh coat of paint covers the outside walls.  This is a beautiful house.  This house is also shame.

Inside this house the windows shades are covered.  No light can penetrate into this house and no light can seep out.  The inside of this house is in disarray.  It is dark.  It is cold.  It is unkept.  It is the inside, the core areas of shame for the man.  Everything in the inside of this house reminds the man of what he should be, but is not.  What he should accomplish, but cannot.  Where he has hurt others and been hurt by others, both of which are his fault.  If you wrestle with the isolating effects of shame then perhaps you have already started to decorate the interior of this house with your own shame-born memorabilia.   

Every room in this house is like this, except the bathroom.  The bathroom, now that room is pristine.  Not a thing out of place.  Because, though this shame-filled house is the man's home, he must still venture out into the world and to do so, he has to clean up.  He has to be presentable and put together to keep up the facade that keeps others at a distance.  And so the bathroom is the transitional room from the dwelling place into interactions with others.  How nicely the he cleans up, what an expert he is at hiding!  

While others may gaze longingly at the beauty of this house from the outside, no one is ever invited in to see the reality of this residence.  They don’t know the lonely darkness that is within.

One day a knock at the door.  For whatever reason, through whatever circumstances, a companion is on the porch, with a lamp.  The man opens the door cautiously, not knowing what to expect, terrified that the person on the porch may catch a glimpse of the disaster within.  The companion smiles.  ”You've been alone long enough...I would be honored to see where you live.”  And with this statement, the mannhas a choice.  He can shut the door and continue living this isolated life of hiding, or let this companion in and experience the terrifying joy of authentic relationship.  Something tugs at his heart, the notion of being lost and never being found.  Something about this life is not working, is not fulfilling, is less than life should be.  And so, slowly and cautiously, he lets the individual with the lamp in.

And the tour of this house begins.  One step at a time, because lamps, true lamps, do not light up a room, but only the footsteps themselves.  A lamp is not a tool of exposure, but one of gentle and intentional guidance.  As the man leads, the lamp lights the way and the companion walks in step with the man, going at his pace, for this is a journey of profound holiness, it is the journey of a core that was once hidden and is now being found.  As the tour concludes the companion smiles at the man and offers a simple but profound truth:  ”You are beautiful and yet you are hiding.  You deserve of a much kinder house that is open to others.  Will you join me in the search for a new home?”

Much to the man's surprise, this companion is not just handy with a lamp, but a fine real-estate agent as well.  Through time, discernment, revelation and a bit of homesickness towards leaving the old house (remember, we often love hiding compared to the alternative of being seen), a new house is found.  It is furnished.  This new house is even more beautiful, but the beauty originates from within.  It is laughter and music, lights and smells, for the man is no longer alone, there is a party inside.  It is a celebration of his true self being found, embraced and enjoyed by others.  He has experienced Aphesis, freedom, and those going for a stroll past his new home marvel not at the beauty on the outside, but the sights, sounds and smells of love from within.  They can feel this love from within because this new house has the doors open, and the windows uncovered, an invitation for all to join in the beauty of the one who lives here.